I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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