Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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