Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
