How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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