So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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