I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
false alarm, still single
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
