you guys were way drunker than both of me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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