I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
