Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
