Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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