4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
