So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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