If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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