Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
