Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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