God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the night ended with taco bell and tears
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
