It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
