You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
