shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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