She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
