i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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