Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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