Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
