could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
