There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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