on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
