Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
