id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
