You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
