Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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