he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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