his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
