have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
