It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
