In America we eat man semen.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I will pee on everything he values.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
