I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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