the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize