Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
