can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
