She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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