the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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