Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I will be naked everywhere
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
