i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i think i have two assholes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
