we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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