His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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