FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
