Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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