dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
