yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
