guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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