I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm bleeding and have questions
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
