I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
